Alex's Answer

Why are things so complicated

Your Question

Why is it so complicated? One of my friends (let’s call her Mary) was going out with one of my other friends (let’s call him Dave) for a while but Mary broke up with Dave. I’m still friends with Mary but I’m also really really close to Dave. I’ve been certain that I’m a lesbian for a long time now but for a small while recently, I’ve been questioning if maybe I was bisexual. Dave told me he wanted to kiss me but I couldn’t do that to Mary because we’re still friends. I feel like I really like Dave but I’m not sure. I want him to kiss me but I don’t want to ruin things with Mary if she finds out. I really don’t know what to do

Answer

Hi there, you’re so welcome to Ask Alex!
 
Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you’re dealing with a very complicated and emotional situation, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. First, let’s acknowledge that friendships and relationships can be really tricky, especially when feelings are involved. It’s ok to feel confused about your emotions and to take time to understand them.
 
You mentioned that you feel like you might be bisexual, which is a big realisation. It’s important to give yourself space to explore these feelings without pressure. Your feelings for Dave are valid, and so is your concern for your friendship with Mary. Balancing these emotions can be challenging, but it’s important to stay true to yourself.
 
It’s great that you care about Mary and don’t want to hurt her. This shows you value your friendship. It might help to have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings, but only if you feel comfortable doing so. This could prevent misunderstandings and help maintain your friendship.
 
There are many articles on friendships and relationships on the Childline web site, including these 2 www.childline.ie/what-are-relationships/ and www.childline.ie/how-to-set-boundaries-in-different-areas-of-your-life/.
 
Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. The Childline team is here for you, to support you and help you explore your options. We are open 24 hours a day, every day. You can contact us for free at 1800 66 66 66 or by Messenger at www.Childline.ie (just click on the purple Messenger circle!).
 
Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out whenever you need support.
 
Best wishes,
Alex

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