Everybody gets angry sometimes. It could be because something’s happened, or you might feel angry without knowing why. There are many reasons why we get angry, such as feeling scared or misunderstood; experiencing bullying, grief or relationship problems; not understanding our feelings or feeling angry about things happening in the world, such as climate change.  

Anger can help to motivate us to change things, but it can also get out of control. There’s a big difference between feeling angry and being abusive or aggressive. 

Anger only becomes a problem when we can’t manage it well and it gets out of control. Here’s some signs this might be happening: 

• You express your anger through unhealthy or unsafe ways 

• Your anger is affecting your everyday life 

• Your anger is affecting your relationships and the people around you 

• Anger is your go-to emotion and it’s all you can think about 

• You regularly break or throw things 

• You physically hurt somebody else or yourself 

• You shout a lot at other people 

When you’re getting angry, there are lots of things that will happen to your mind and body. You might: 

• feel your muscles tensing up 

• start breathing heavily 

• notice your heart beating faster 

• feel like you can’t think about anything except what’s happened  

• only be able to see the negatives about a situation or person 

• struggle to say how you feel or think clearly. 

Spotting the signs that you’re starting to get angry can help you to know when things might be getting out of control. 

Try making a plan of things you can do when you start to feel angry. 

The more you practise behaving differently when you get angry, the easier it can get. Try some of these:  

• Use a mood journal: Write down what goes well and when you would have liked things to be different 

• Give yourself time: Things don’t change straight away, but the more you try, the easier things can get 

• Talk about things: It can be tough coping alone, ask what other people think and speak to an adult you trust about how they could support you 

There are two ways to deal with anger. The first is when you feel the red-hot flame of emotion propelling you in a direction that you might regret. The second is a more long-term approach.  

When you feel that rage:  

• Count to 10. It can help give you time to think and calm down 

• Breathe slowly and deeply. In through your nose and out through your mouth 

• Control your tone of voice. Keep it slow and quiet 

• Use a stress ball or slowly make a fist and release your hands over and over 

• Think before you react. Wait an hour before you say or do anything 

• Leave a situation. Walking away shows more strength than staying 

When you’re calmly trying to manage your anger 

• Recognise your triggers, for example feeling scared or frustrated 

• Understand your feelings 

• Listen to others 

• Consider the consequences 

• Accept what’s out of your control 

• Think about the best ways to improve your wellbeing 

• Work on developing your confidence and self-esteem  

It’s healthy and natural to get angry sometimes. But there are ways to show it without hurting yourself or other people.  For example, why not… 

• Hit something soft: punch a pillow or screw up a piece of paper 

• Do something completely different: play a game, watch TV or count tiles on the wall. Anything that will keep your mind busy 

• Burst bubble wrap 

• Exercise: go for a run, play football or do yoga. Doing something that gets you of breath can help you to calm down and feel happier 

• Write down what you want to say: put everything down on paper or in an email and then destroy or delete it  

• Tell someone you trust what’s made you angry to get another perspective  

• Learn to assert yourself 

• Reach out for help 

If you’re struggling to control your behaviour, we can support you.