Summary
Teasing can be a funny bonding thing that happens between friends as long as it is affectionate, reciprocal (goes both ways) and nobody is being hurt. But it can go too far or cross over into bullying. Read this article to learn more about how teasing can go too far or become bullying, and what to do when it does.
Teasing and bullying sometimes happen together, but they aren’t always the same.
Teasing (or being teased by) a good friend in a playful, light-hearted way can actually be part of a healthy, positive relationship. However, being called names or maliciously made fun of can be a form of bullying.
When is teasing positive?
In some cases, teasing can be a good thing, especially if the person who is teasing is open to being teased themselves. Positive teasing can actually strengthen relationships by building closeness with another person.
Teasing can also help to influence positive behaviour in the person being teased. For example, jokingly pointing out that a friend is talking with their mouth full can be a non-threatening way of encouraging them to be more polite.
Teasing is not bullying when:
- It is done in an affectionate way in a strong relationship
- The person who is teasing is using an affectionate or ‘joking’ tone and is smiling
- The person who is being teased does not feel or look upset
Remember: if you decide to tease a friend, be ready to be teased as well!
Can teasing be a form of bullying?
Teasing can bring people closer together but it can also be used to criticize, alienate, embarrass or hurt other people. In these cases, it can actually weaken relationships and be a form of bullying.
There are some kinds of teasing that are almost always hurtful, such as making fun of physical appearance, weight, religion, race, gender identity or sexual orientation.
Teasing can also be a form of bullying when:
- The teasing feels hostile instead of affectionate
- The teasing involves name-calling, spreading gossip, intimidation or using slurs
- The teasing occurs repeatedly
- The teasing is intended to hurt or demean another person
- The person doing the teasing has more power among your peers, or doesn’t like being teased back
- The person being teased is hurt by the interaction
What to do if teasing goes too far
If you have been teasing someone and they tell you that they don’t like it, do the following:
- Stop the teasing immediately
- Apologise to them. Say something like: “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I would hurt you. It won’t happen again.”
If hurtful teasing or bullying is making you feel isolated or upset, you can put a stop to it:
- Calmly tell the person teasing you that you don’t enjoy being talked to that way. The person teasing you might not have realised that they hurt you.
- If the hurtful teasing or bullying continues, talk to someone about it. This could be a parent, carer, supportive friend, teacher or someone else you trust. Tell them how you feel and what the person is doing.
If you’re struggling, Childline is always ready to listen. Call 1800 66 66 66 or chat online at Childline.ie, 24 hours a day, every day.
Key takeaways
- Friends teasing each other in a funny, affectional and reciprocal way is rarely a problem.
- Remember if you want to tease, you should be ready to take some teasing back!
- Teasing can be used to criticise, alienate, embarrass or hurt people, depending on tone and dynamic.
- Some types of teasing will almost always be hurtful and its best to avoid these.
- Open and honest communication should stop teasing that goes too far – if not, you might want to reevaluate the friendship or talk to someone.
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