Summary
This article uses the characters and their relationships in Emily Bronte’s novel Wuthering Heights, which has just been made into a movie starring Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi, to help young people recognise unhealthy behaviours in a safe way. We are looking at how the book’s characters treat each other and pointing out how their behaviours such as jealousy, coercive control and emotional pressure have no place in healthy real-life friendships and relationships. The aim is to help readers understand what healthy behaviour looks like, and to remind them that they deserve relationships where they feel safe, respected and valued.
1. Big feelings aren’t the problem, it’s what you do with them
Young people often feel emotions very intensely, especially in friendships or crushes. That’s completely normal. What matters is how those feelings are expressed.
In Wuthering Heights, the characters have huge emotions but often handle them in ways that hurt themselves and others.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
When Catherine feels torn between Heathcliff and Edgar, she doesn’t talk honestly about her feelings. Instead, she lashes out, locks herself in a room and blames others for how upset she is. Her strong emotions are genuinely felt but the way she expresses them causes a lot of harm to those around her.
What to remember in real life…
It’s totally okay to feel big emotions. But it’s not okay when those emotions lead to hurting others or yourself. Talking, taking time to breathe and reflect or asking for help are much healthier ways to cope.
2. Controlling behaviour isn’t caring — it’s unhealthy
Sometimes people mistake controlling behaviour for affection. “They only act like that because they care” is a message we often absorb from media and society. Wuthering Heights shows how damaging such control can be, even when people claim it comes from love or loyalty. The relationship between Catherine and Heathcliff is not an enviable example of romantic love; instead, it is obsessive, destructive and co-dependent.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
Heathcliff often tries to control who Catherine spends time with and he becomes angry and sulky when she chooses to be with other people. He frames it as loyalty, but he is trying to limit her freedom.
What to remember in real life…
If someone tries to control who you talk to, what you do or how you spend your time, that is not a sign of how much they care for you. Instead, it’s a red flag indicating an unhealthy relationship. Friends and crushes should respect your choices and your boundaries.
3. You don’t owe someone your time just because they’re upset
You may feel pressured to “fix” someone else’s emotions. You may feel guilty for wanting space or for not being available 24/7. The story shows how unhealthy it becomes when one person demands constant attention or emotional support from another.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
When Heathcliff feels hurt or angry, he expects Catherine to drop everything and comfort him. If she doesn’t, he reacts with anger or sulking, making her feel responsible for his mood.
What to remember in real life…
Someone else’s feelings are not your responsibility. You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to take time for yourself. You are allowed to say no.
4. Jealousy isn’t a sign of love or loyalty
Jealousy can often be felt within friendships, for example “Why are you hanging out with them instead of me?” and it can escalate quickly. Wuthering Heights shows jealousy taken to extremes, which makes it a useful example for spotting some early warning signs.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
When Catherine marries Edgar, Heathcliff becomes jealous and tries to make her feel guilty. Instead of talking about his feelings, he acts out and plots a violent revenge.
What to remember in real life…
Feeling jealous is normal. Using jealousy to control someone, guilt trip them or punish them is not. Healthy relationships allow space for other friendships.
5. If someone makes you feel small, that’s not friendship or love
Putdowns, insults and emotional manipulation are common in toxic relationships and they often start subtly. The story shows characters who use words to hurt, belittle or control each other.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
Catherine sometimes tells Heathcliff he’s “beneath” her or not good enough, especially when she’s frustrated. These comments damage his self-esteem and make their relationship more painful for both of them.
What to remember in real life…
Friends should lift you up, not tear you down. If someone regularly makes you feel embarrassed, stupid or unimportant, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
6. You can break the cycle healthy relationships are possible
One of the most hopeful parts of Wuthering Heights is that the next generation chooses kindness and respect instead of repeating the harmful patterns they grew up around.
What happens in Wuthering Heights…
Hareton and young Cathy start off in a tense, difficult situation, but they slowly learn to treat each other with patience and respect. Their relationship becomes gentle and supportive, the opposite of the chaos around them.
What to remember in real life…
Even if you’ve seen unhealthy behaviour, you can choose differently. You deserve relationships where you feel safe, respected, and valued.
Key takeaways
- It's ok to have big emotions, you just need to learn how to express them
- Don't mistake controlling behaviour for love
- Other people's emotions are not your responsibility
- Jealousy is natural, but it isn't an excuse to act poorly
- Friends don't put friends down - set those boundaries
- You can break the cycle, and have healthy friendships and relationships
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